Title: When Choices Are Lost
Author: DiorNicole & I Love JaSam 2
Main Characters: Sayid & Shannon
Minor Characters: Ben, Nadia, & Oceanic 6
Pairings: Sayid & Nadia, Sayid & Elsa, Sayid & Shannon
Disclaimer: Lost is owned by: J.J., Damon Lindelof, Touchstone & ABC. No money being made, but after the work my co-author & beta put into this project, I’ll own them money.
Spoilers: Season 1 – 4
Note: AU (Follows Cannon until “The Economist.”)
Summary: When Choices Are Lost, What Will A Man Do To Get Them Back? (Sayid - Centric)
LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST
Chapter 2 (Sayid POV)
Allāh help me.
“You can do this the easy way or the hard way.” The smile she gives me lets me know I need to choose the one she likes.
“What choice do I really have, Shannon? I’ll choose the easy way.” She kisses me and goes to sit on the other lounge chair. She’s breath-taking in her light pink sun dress with bare feet and her hair back in a soft bun with a few pieces framing her face.
“Knew you were easy.” I can’t help but to laugh at that. I wish we could just stay like this and enjoy the moment but I know she’s here for a reason. I’m starting to come to the conclusion that I’m not crazy; I’m really seeing Shannon.
“Well, it’s about time you start believing me.”
“Your ability to know what I’m thinking is unnerving,” I turn my head so I’m looking at her.
“Your point?” she says with a smirk on her face.
I missed this back and forth banter with Shannon. “There was no point—just an observation.”
“So, Mr. Jarrah, anything you care to tell me?” I can see the mischief in her eyes. No matter what way I answer this question I’m in trouble.
“What is it you want to know, Ms. Rutherford?” Two can play this game. I wasn’t one to give in easily.
“Elsa reminded you of me? Elsa, that was her name correct?” I know I have a stunned expression on my face. “What exactly did we have in common, Sayid?” How do I answer this question without pissing her off? “I’m waiting,” she says after my silence of trying to avoid answering something that is really going to piss her off.
“I knew going in she was a means to an end. I needed her boss and she was the easiest to achieve my goal.” I stop for a moment to look over at Shannon; she’s looking out at the ocean. I wish I could stop talking and just enjoy being with her. But I know she not having any of that.
“Elsa was beautiful, smart, funny…”
Shannon cuts me off. “I get your point. Kept it moving,” she says fast, with a glare. I laugh at that.
“Right. She made me forget the things I had done, if only for a little while.” I walk over to where Shannon is and sit on the floor of the balcony right in front of her. “Like meeting you on the island, you helped me forget who I use to be.”
I lifted Shannon’s feet so they were sitting in my lap. “She reminded me of you Shannon, but she would have never been you.”
“So you and Elsa never had plans for a Saturday alone with some rope?” I know this is Shannon’s way of asking me once and for all, how I felt about Elsa.
“There’s only one woman I want to spend a Saturday night alone with and rope being involved.” She lets out a content sigh an leans back in the chair. We sit quietly for a little while before I notice she has something in her hand. When I look, I see it’s a bottle of nail polish.
“You might as well—since you’re down there.” I take the polish and start to paint her toes. I have no idea what I am doing.
“It’s okay.” I smile my thanks at her for understanding. “If you mess them up you’ll just do them over.” Maybe not so understanding. We sit quietly for a few minutes before Shannon starts talking again.
“You have to find everyone so you can go back to the island.” I’m starting to notice Shannon only brings up this subject when I’m distracted. But my intentions are to handle it much better than I did last time.
I stop painting her toes. “Do not take this the wrong way, Shannon but why do I have to find the others? Why do we have to go back?”
“No one told you to stop painting. And you missed a spot.” No, my Shannon has not changed one bit.
I notice her picking at her fingernail in a attempt to avoid my question. “You’re stalling now, Shannon. It’s your turn to answer my question.”
“I’m not stalling.” I give her a look that says otherwise. “Maybe I am.” I just continue to paint until she’s ready to talk.
“I don’t really have all the answers but I know you have to go back to make everything right. Our plane was never supposed to crash. Oceanic Flight 815 was supposed to arrive at LAX on time without any problems. None of us were supposed to die. Desmond was supposed to push the button to keep all this from happening.”
I finish painting Shannon’s toes and put the top back on the polish. This is a lot to take in at one time. I want to believe everything she saying and run back to that island if it means I can change everything that’s has happened. But rationally I know it’s not that simple. How can just going back to the island stop the plane from crashing?
“Sayid, I know this is hard for you to accept. The universe or fate has a way of correcting its mistakes.”
“A mistake? People died in that crash! And everything we suffered through afterwards, fighting just to stay alive for another day…Losing you. Now you tell me it was a mistake?”
Shannon leans over so she’s right in my face. Not even noticing she had stood up from her seat. “I asked you this once and I’ll ask you again: do you believe in me?” I want to believe in her, it’s just all so much. I also remember what happened last time I didn’t believe in her. I think about how that turned out; she was right and died in the process.
“Yes, I believe in you Shannon. But this is too much. It’s all just to…” She cuts me off with a soft finger on my lips.
“It won’t be too much if I help you carry it.” I remember telling her that so long ago. And for now it’s enough. She kisses me and sits back in the chair. “And for right now Sayid, it’s enough that you believe in me.”
At this point what do I really have to lose? “What do I need to do to get back to the island?”
“First, you have to find Charles Widmore.” A perfect opportunity for me to do what needs to be done.
“That will not be a problem.” I say with a hard edge in my voice that even surprises me.
Shannon snaps at me. “You will not kill him.”
“Why? He deserves it for what he did.” I don’t understand. Ben and now Shannon have both told me I can’t kill Widmore.
“Give me a reason not to.” She’s quiet for a minute.
“Widmore has just as big a part in all this as you and the others do. I’m asking you Sayid, for me, do not kill him.”
“Why do I need to find him?” I hope I can keep my word.
Shannon turns her head before she starts talking. “There’s something you need to know that only he can tell you.” This seem strange if she knows why not just tell me. “It’s something that you would only believe if you hear from him.”
“What could it be that I would believe a killer over you Shannon?” There has to be something I don’t understand.
“Just trust me on this one Sayid.” Shannon takes her feet out of my lap and stands up. I know this means it’s time for her to leave. I stay where I’m so I don’t have to watch her walk away. “Just remember no matter what happens Sayid, I love you.”
“I love you to, my Shannon.” Without looking up I know she’s gone.
LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST
London ~ Widmore Tower – Penthouse: Three Weeks Later
Sitting in the dark waiting for Widmore to arrive home, I have to keep reminding myself I promised Shannon I would not kill him. Thinking about Shannon reminds me she hasn’t been around much lately.
When she does appear most I am asleep. When I wake she just sitting there watching me. I always ask what’s wrong and she just tells me to go back to sleep and that she loves me. I tried to ask her about Widmore again and she just told me ‘you’ll find out soon enough.’ I know this has something to do with the reason she’s staying away but I just don’t understand. I wish she would just tell me.
I was pulled from my thoughts when I hear his keys in the door. I removed my gun and once again remind myself not to kill him. I hear him slowly making his way to the living room where I sit waiting for him.
“Stop where you are, Mr. Widmore,” I say once he’s in the living room.
He does not look surprised to find me in his home. “Sayid.”
“Take a seat on the sofa.” When he sits down I have to keep reminding myself not to kill this man. “You do not seem surprised to see me.”
“I knew you would come sooner or later when you found out the truth.” What is he talking about? He must have seen the question on my face.
Suddenly he starts laughing. “I guess Ben didn’t tell you. I know you’re not here to kill me. You here to find out the truth about your precious Nadia.” Before I can stop myself I’m on my feet ready to shoot.
“Don’t you dare say her name again, no matter what Ben says, I will kill you.”
Widmore stops laughing but the smile never leaves his face. “You really think she forgave you for torturing her Sayid?” He starts quietly laughing again. “It was so easy to get her to work for me.” My thoughts are racing.
“Nadia would never work for someone like you. It’s a lie.” It has to be lie.
“It’s the truth. Why would I lie at this point? I know what really happened on that island and on the freighter, Sayid. I wanted the island and the ‘Oceanic 6’ took it from me.” Widmore gets up from his chair and makes himself a drink.
“We didn’t take anything from you.”
He keeps on talking like I never said anything. “I knew eventually the ‘Oceanic 6’ would have to go back to the island and when that time came I would be right there. The only problem was I needed inside information and a way to get it. I knew I could never get it from Ben or any of you freely. So, I decided to plant a spy that you all would trust.”
“It didn’t take me long to find her and convince her it was in her best interest to supply me with the information that I needed.”
“She would never do that to me.” Not my Nadia.
“It’s true. Never be surprise what a women scorned will do.” He laughed and moved around the room as if I wasn’t there with a gun. “The problem was you never told her what really happened. She tried everything she could to get the truth out of you but nothing worked. You stuck to that cover story and she knew you were lying.”
I feel myself going cold inside. I forgot how well Nadia knew me. “Why kill her if she was working for you?”
“I started to realize you were never going to tell her anything. As long as she was alive your thoughts would never be on finding the island.” What kind of sick game are Ben and Widmore playing? What does any of this have to do with me?
A startlingly thought hits me both Ben and Widmore think I’m the key to getting them back to the island. “Is there anything else? I’ve had a long day.” I start walking towards the door. I have to get away from him now or I will kill him. “Sayid.”
I stop. “What?”
“Maybe next time you should learn to pick your women better.” Without thinking I turn and shot him. I watch the blood as it slides down his arm. I see the shocked look on his face. “You weren’t supposed to do that.”
“Ben said I couldn’t kill you. He never said anything about hurting you.” With those last words I walk out the door.
LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST
London ~ Hilton London Hyde Park: Same Night
I walk into my room dropping my clothes as I go. I need a shower and I hope it can wash this whole night away. As much as I wish Widmore was lying, I know at this point he has nothing to lose.
I walk into the bathroom and make the water in the shower as hot as I can stand then step in.
I never thought Nadia was capable of doing something like that. What could I have done differently to change what happened. From the first moment I saw Nadia standing outside the press conference it was a lie. Everything we built together. Would telling her the truth have of changed anything? I can’t believe I never saw any of this. I stand in the shower letting the water wash away my tears.
It was just easier not to notice anything that could remind me of the island, of the people we left behind, of Shannon. Maybe if I had looked beyond myself I could have done something. Shannon thought I would have not believed her if she told me all of this. I am sorry to think she was probably right. I hope she comes tonight—even if she doesn’t say a word. I just need her close.
I’m brought out of my thoughts when the hot water finally runs out. I get out of the shower and wrap the towel around my waist. I just want to sleep so this day can be over. And then, I chuckle. I think about the mess of my clothes all over the floor. Shannon would have hated that and that makes me laugh.
I walk out of the bathroom an notice my cloths aren’t on the floor. I look at the dresser and notice they are sitting there folded. Shannon’s here.
Shannon is sitting on the side of my bed quietly watching me. She doesn’t say anything as I walk towards the bed and lie down and put my head in her lap. Once she starts playing with my hair, I start to cry.
“I’m sorry, Sayid.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for Shannon. What’s next?” I ask her hoping that will take my mind off of what I found out today.
“The island will only let you back if everyone’s goes together. It’s not going to be easy to convince them Sayid but it’s the only way.” I just nod my head and continue to lay here with Shannon.
As we fall into a comfortable silence I start to think about the battle ahead. I still have my doubts but I have faith in Shannon and for today that’s enough.
I hate to interrupt this peaceful moment but after everything I found out today there’s only one thing I’m unclear on. I turn so I’m looking at her face. “Shannon?” She opens her eyes.
“Why did I need to know those things about Nadia?” Shannon’s quiet for so long I think she’s not going to answer me.
“You had to know the truth.” She says simply and closes her eyes again.
I know it has to be more than that. “Did you care to elaborate Shannon?” She shakes her head no.
I know she hiding something and I plan on finding out what. The scary part is she made no comment about that last thought.
TBC…………………………………….Enter Lost Music