Title: When Choices Are Lost
Main Characters: Sayid & Shannon
Minor Characters: Ben, Nadia, & Oceanic 6
Pairings: Sayid & Nadia, Sayid & Elsa, Sayid & Shannon
Disclaimer: Lost is owned by: J.J., Damon Lindelof, Touchstone & ABC. No money being made, but after the work my co-author & beta put into this project, I’ll own them money.
Spoilers: Season 1 – 4
Note: AU (Follows Cannon until “The Economist.”)
Summary: When Choices Are Lost, What Will A Man Do To Get Them Back? (Sayid - Centric)
LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST
Chapter 3 (Sayid POV)
South Korea ~ Paik Heavy Industries: Two Week Later
“You can do this.” I say again to myself as I walk inside. After a twenty minute pace in front of the building and a mantra of repeated lines, I made it to the elevator. I say it again for reassurance as I ride to the 50th floor. I don’t believe that Sun will see me but Shannon kept telling me this would be the best way. Once the evaluator reaches the 50th floor and the doors open, I’m tempted to hit the button for the Lobby.
“I know you can do this,” Shannon’s voice softly floats to my ears. Knowing Shannon was watching over me, I step off the evaluator and walk to the receptionist desk.
“Good Morning, welcome to Paik Heavy Industries. How may I help you sir?” The receptionist asks me in perfect English which surprises me.
“Good Morning. I would like see Sun-Hwa Kwon.”
“Do you have an appointment sir?”
“No, I do not.” The receptionist gives me a “and-who-do-you-think–you-are” look. “Could you just tell her Sayid Jarrah is here to see her?”
“One moment sir,” she looks at me like I’m wasting her time. “Miss Kwon you have a visitor in the lobby that doesn’t have an appointment.” She says it with a smug look on her face.
“His name is Mr. Jarrah.” She’s quiet for a long time before she says anything else.
“Yes, Miss. Kwon.” As she hangs up the phone there’s an unreadable expression on her face. “Mr. Jarrah, please have a seat. Miss. Kwon finishing up a few thing then she’ll be right with you.
“Thank you.” As I sit down and wait for Sun, I notice the receptionist’s expression never changes. I wonder what was said while she was on the phone.
LOST ~ Post-Island Flashback ~ LOST
Irvine, California ~ Jarrah/Jazeem Residence: 2 Day After Memorial Service
“Sayid, please talk to me. You have been so quiet for the last two days,” I looked into Nadia’s pleading eyes but I just couldn’t bring myself to open my mouth. What would I say to her?
How could I say it was all a lie? That I knew and loved Shannon? That I can still hear the gunshot and see Shannon’s face when she died in my arms? That I remember the feel of the dirt on my hands as I dug her grave?
How do I tell her that the woman I loved was forgotten by the people with us, like she never existed? I remember that it was Charlie who made me realize that. “You know with Shannon being dead and all do you really need a shelter with so much privacy for just you? Was thinking you could let Claire and Aaron have it. You know with her having the baby and…”
“Charlie! How could you?” Claire exclaimed from behind us. He looked at her with a shrug of his shoulders. “Oh God, I’m so sorry Sayid. I would never I mean I could never take that shelter…”
“It’s okay, Claire.”
“Thank you,” Claire said with tears in her eyes. She hadn’t forgotten Shannon.
Claire grabbed Charlie by the arm and drug him down the beach. Charlie voice floated back to me. “What? She’s dead and you have TurpinHead…”
“Shut up, Charlie! How dare you…and my son’s name is Aaron.”
No. I can’t tell Nadia any of that. We had made this lie after all; now we had to live it. “There’s nothing to say. I’ll be okay soon.” I tried to reassure her with a smile. I hoped it worked.
Before she had a chance to say anything else the phone rang. “I’ll get it.” She picked the phone up from the base. “Hello,” Nadia covered the phone with her hand and looked at me with her sad eyes. “It’s Sun.” She handed me the phone and walked into the kitchen. “I’ll give you your privacy.”
I wait until Nadia’s out the room. “Hello Sun.”
“Hello Sayid.” Sun said sadly, “I am sorry I could not make it to the Memorial Service.” I had almost forgotten she was not there. “I could not be around him.”
“It is okay, Sun.” Sun wants nothing to do with Jack. He could never understand the burden that Sun and I carry with us. “I do understand. How are you doing, Sun?”
“Does it get any easier, Sayid?”
My first response was to tell her yes it does but I know she wants the truth. “No. I can go days without thinking of her and other days she’s the first and last thing on my mind. Maybe one day it won’t be so bad but that is not today.”
We sat quietly for a moment before she spoke again. “I asked Shannon once if she thought we were being punished by fate for the secrets we kept and the lies we told.” I can hear her crying softly. “Claire cut her off before she could answer but she found me later and told me “I don’t know if fate is punishing us or not Sun. If that plane had never crashed I would never have meet Sayid. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.’”It seemed like she wanted to say more but she just smiled at me and went to find you. I’ve never forgotten that conversation with her.”
“No, she was the best thing that ever happened to me. Shannon made me want to live and love again.”
“Our punishment is living without them.” Sun’s crying heavier now. “Living is the hard part.” Without anther word Sun hung up the phone.
Without any thought I took the only picture I have of Shannon out of my wallet. It was the one of her and Boone. I found a store to edit the picture so it would only have Shannon’s image in it. I sat in that chair for hours just looking at that picture and thinking about the truth that Sun poured into my life.
“Living is the hard part,” I said quietly.
“Sayid?” Without any thought I stuffed the picture into my pocket.
“Dinner is ready.” I had to be more careful or next time I might not be so lucky.
LOST ~ End Flashback ~ LOST
I’m brought back to the present when I hear my name being called. “Mr. Jarrah, you can follow me.” I stand quickly and follow her to a large conference room. “Miss Kwon will be right with you.”
“Thank you.” I walk over to the windows to admire the view of the harbor. When ever I’m around water it makes me think about Shannon.
When I turn and look at Sun I can see that the years and secrets have taken there toll on her. Most people would never realize it but looking into her eyes I see the same pain I carry with me.
“Hello, Sun.” She walks over to me and gives me a hug. I just hope she’s still happy to see me when I tell her why I’m here. “I’m happy to see you. It’s been far too long.”
“Yes, it has been to long.” Sun say’s as she take a seat at the conference table. “I’m sorry about Nadia.”
“Thank you.” I say with an edge in my voice. Sun gives me a curious look. “I am sorry. Congratulations on Ji Yeon. I’m really glad you have her.” I turn and continue to look at the harbor.
“Thank you, Sayid.” We fall into a comfortable silence. I know Sun wants to know why I’m here.
“Stop stalling, Sayid. Do what you came for.” I hear Shannon’s voice again. I can just imagine her standing there rolling her eyes at me. She is right though.
I go and sit next to Sun and before I can say anything Sun looks at me. “I know why you’re here, Sayid.”
I’m totally floored. How could she know? “What are you talking about Sun?”
“We have to go back to the island.” I don’t know what to think. I never expected it to be this easy. Maybe Shannon knew this would happen and that’s why she sent me here first. A sudden thought hits me.
“Sun, how did you know we needed to go back and why are you so calm about it?” She seems to be taking it better than I did.
She gives me a small smile. “Jin told me.” Sun stops talking and looks out the window. There are tears in her eyes, she turns back around and continues to talk. “Right after Ji Yeon was born, Hurley and I visited Jin’s grave. That night when I put Ji Yeon in her crib I felt a presence in the room with me when but when I looked around I saw nothing. While I was getting ready for bed I felt a presence again when I turn around Jin was just standing there.”
Before she can say anything else I stand and walk back over to the windows. It seems we share a lot of secrets. I should feel relived that Sun saw Jin—it means I'm not going crazy—but for some reason I'm not. “What's wrong, Sayid?”
“Shannon told me.”
“So, you do not think I am crazy then?” Sun's laughing softly when she says this.
“No, you are not crazy. Shannon visits me often. She’s the reasons I came here today.” I stop talking when I notice the smile leaves her face. “What's wrong. Sun?”
“How will we convince the others? You and I have reasons to believe we need to go back but what about Hurley, Kate and Jack?”
My thoughts echoed her. “I don't know Sun but we'll find a way.”
The smile returns to her face. My answer must have been okay with her. “So, what is our plan to get back to the island?”
“Ben and Widmore seem to think I'm the key to getting them back to the island. I don’t know what’s so special about me but I plan on using it to our advantage.” And I know Shannon will be there for me every step of the way.
“It’s because of Shannon,” Sun’s says as she stands next to me.
I turn and look into her eyes. “What are you talking about?”
“Jin told me I had to find everyone so we could return to the island but you were important. You have a connection to the island Sayid. One that none of the rest of us have. Ben and Widmore both know this; that’s why they need you so much.” I don’t understand.
“We all have a connection to the island, Sun. What’s so different about me?”
I see Sun look at her watch. “I have a meeting that I cannot miss Sayid. I will come to America to help you convince the others just let me know when your ready.” Sun gives me anther hug and starts to walk out of the conference room.
She never answered my question. “Sun?”
When she turns to face me she has a big grin, “Yes. Sayid.”
“Come in two weeks,” she nods. “And you never answered my question.”
“It’s Shannon.” Sun says simply and walks out the door.
LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST ~ LOST
Malibu Memorial Garden Cemetery ~ A Week Later
It’s a quiet morning at the cemetery as I remove the flowers from my last visit and place the new ones on her grave. There’s a stone bench near her grave where I take a seat and continue to think about what Sun told me. I’m trying my best to understand what’s so special about our connection verses anyone else’s. Jin and Sun were married so why not her?
“Sun will be here in a week and once she arrives well have to find the others. I don’t know if I’ll be able to visit you again. I’m sorry about that.”
“You know, you have an easier time talking to that tombstone then to me,” Shannon said from behind me. She sits down beside me and rests her head on my shoulder.“You have not been around much lately.” When ever she’s not around much I think there’s something she hiding. “Does it have anything to do with what Sun told me?”Shannon slowly wraps her arms around my waist and lets out a loud sigh. “It’s part of the reason.” She stops talking again. Please, Shannon just talk to me. I say it hoping she will hear and listen. “The difference between Sun, Jin and us is that I died on the island. I’m a part of the it now.”
“And you’re a part of me.” I take Shannon’s hand and place it over my heart. “Is that why I’m the key to getting back to the island?” She just shakes her head yes.
“Your love for me keeps you tied to the island. Jin died on the freighter so he’s not part of the island like I am. There’s a difference there.” I turn my head so I’m looking into her eyes. “Sayid, you’re running out of time. You have to find everyone before Widmore does.”
“I promise you, Shannon: I’ll find them in time.” We sit there for the rest of themorning in silence and I pray I can keep me promise to her.
TBC………………………Enter Lost Music